


Instrument

by redscudery



Series: Redscudery's Rare Pair Bazaar [1]
Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Banter, Dialogue-Only, Established Relationship, F/F, Femslash, Foreplay, Janine is a brat, Pranks and Practical Jokes, Pre-Johnlock, Sassy, Verbal Foreplay, and Sally loves it, but a smart brat, but that is not the focus, on Sherlock, utter silliness, who deserves it richly never fear
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-25
Updated: 2015-05-25
Packaged: 2018-04-01 03:11:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4003633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/redscudery/pseuds/redscudery
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Janine and Sally are in love... and Janine exploits that fact to play a trick on Sherlock.  </p><p>Warnings for misuse of pipettes, semen obtained under dubious circumstances, and sass.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Instrument

**Author's Note:**

  * For [tiltedsyllogism](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tiltedsyllogism/gifts).



“Janine! That is Molly’s personal pipette!”  
“I know. That’s why I need your fingerprints on it.”  
“You know, I don’t know why I agreed to this.”  
“I do. Because I’m holding your hand.”  
“You hold my hand all the time. I have to actively prevent you from holding my hand.”  
“Well, not only am I holding your hand —and pressing my frankly stunning breasts into your back, which you have to believe is a bit of all right—but this’ll confuse the hell out of Sherlock.”  
“That doesn’t mean that Sherlock will be fooled. Not for long, anyhow.”  
“Long enough.”  
“Fine. And I am ignoring your breasts.”  
“Also not for long.”  
“Overconfidence. You think I’ll snog you in Molly’s storage locker later.”  
“I think you appreciate my breasts as they should be appreciated.”  
“When occasion calls for it, yes.”  
“I think it calls for me to appreciate yours. Ooh, I like this bra.”  
“JANINE.”  
“Look, if someone walks in, we’re clearly guilty of something. Might as well add inappropriate groping.”  
“But not public indecency, right? Please.”  
“Spoilsport.”  
“Janine Hawkins, I am a police officer. Police. Officer.”  
“So get Lestrade to get you off. Better, get Lestrade to get US off.”  
“Inappropriate. Please wash your mouth out with soap. Also consider fucking off and dying.”  
“Like you haven’t thought about it.”  
“We are not having this conversation.”  
“We can have it later. In bed.”  
“No.”  
“Mmm, that’s your ‘convince me’ no.”  
“It is my ‘no’ no. Now please do this thing so we can go home. And again, remove your hand from my bra.”  
“You love me”  
“Unfortunately, yes, and I regret it more every day.”  
“You have no respect for my work.”  
“You’re putting my fingerprints on Molly’s pet pipette, which is filled with—and I do not want to know how you got this--John’s semen.”  
“That you don’t respect this is utterly deplorable.”  
“The only thing I can respect about that is the desire to make Sherlock madder than he already is, and even then only just, because you’re just making a mess someone else has to clean up.”  
“Greg will, you know he will. It’s part of his charm. Also, making Sherlock angry is a public service.”  
“It’s petty revenge.”  
“Fine, then, it’s petty revenge. He’ll go bananas trying to figure out why you’ve got John’s semen and why you’re testing it in Molly’s lab, and he’ll go even more bananas trying not to taste it. Angry erections and unrequited jealousy abound.”  
“You’re a fucking ray of sunshine.”  
“That, darling Sally, is where you’re wrong. I will, in point of fact, be fucking IN a ray of sunshine, in Sussex, with you, while Sherlock storms around Barts and Baker Street, stewing in his completely pointless jealousy. Consider it years of back pay for being a cock to you.”  
“You are a ridiculous romantic.”  
“Take that back. I’m a ruthless, heartless avenger of your pride.”  
“You’re a romantic. Now finish this so I can kiss you.”  
“Stiff-necked copper.”  
“Irish hooligan.”


End file.
